eu não sei até quando.
eu não sei até quando // i don’t know how long i can take it
(this is not a horror film; it’s a real life story).
Eu sou uma vítima da covid-19. No entanto, eu não contrai a doença. Ela me afetou de uma outra maneira, me fazendo perder os sentimentos. Desde o seu início, minha comunicação se foi. Eu não sei mais como lidar com pessoas, tampouco conviver com elas.
Há mais de 8 meses que eu não crio nada, porém meus devaneios me levaram a lugares nunca antes visitados por minha mente. Eu me reconheci em várias versões. Eu não sei mais quem eu sou. Eu não aguento mais ser quem eu sou, e eu não sei até quando eu vou suportar.
I am a victim of covid-19. However, I did not get the disease. It affected me in another way, making me lose my feelings. Since its inception, my communication has gone. I don’t know how to deal with people anymore, not even living with them.
I haven’t created anything for more than 8 months, but my daydreams took me to places never visited before by my mind. I recognised myself in several versions. I don’t know who I am anymore. I can’t stand being who I am anymore, and I don’t even know how long i can take it.
Credits / Collaborators / Cast
a film by matheo fernandes
directed by matheo fernandes
written/shot by mariana moura and matheo fernandes
voiceover and text co-creator: juan maximus
2D design: luis felipe souza
mastering: juan maximus
color inspired by kodak tri-x reversal film 7266
special thanks to rosalina fernandes, eder silva and pete joseph.
The story behind the film
The idea for this character was born from everyday. I experienced so much sadness in that time of isolation that I ended up creating several versions of myself.
The ghost is not a ghost itself, it is everyone who has gone through that same period. Me and my girlfriend (his co-creator) chose him because he is a figure without gender, race, color or identity. He can be whoever he wants, so whoever identifies with him.
The ghost is a metaphor for my isolation. I lost my identity in that time. I don’t have a face anymore, at least at this point. I have accessories on me, which culminate in my character.
However, I, myself, only exist under that cloth, in tears, isolated at home, drinking coffee.
In addition to all this, I believe that this ghost is a manifesto for the artistic class, of which I am part. I talked to many co-workers who ended up experiencing a similar feeling.